Ready or not, here comes summer!
It’s the last Friday of the school year. The kids are chomping at the bit to head into summer, the teachers are ready to wave goodbye and take a deep breath, and I’m beginning to panic. I’m a full-time working mom with a full-time working partner and we have 4 children who are about to come home with no schedule and supervision that alternates between grandparents, some work-from-home days by me, whatever summer camps we can get signed up for without spending a fortune, and the older siblings when they aren’t working. It’s a lot to juggle and I’m already tired from thinking about it.
I know I’m not alone here. All over the country, parents like me are facing the challenge of summer, trying to figure out how to keep our kids entertained during a season when work doesn’t change for us. More and more young kids have access to ipads and smart phones and the computer that the school let them keep for the summer. It’s a recipe for trouble. How do we ensure that our kids stay safe during the summer months? After several years of teaching kids and parents about the risks of technology and exploitation, we have a few suggestions!
Reject the idea that cell phones keep kids safe.
We hear this one all the time, “My kid needs a cell phone to keep them safe/ so I can track them/ to call me in an emergency.” We get it, the world is different and we have to find new ways to operate in it, but make no mistake, cell phones increase risk. Predators go where children are. They used to hang out in parks and street corners, but as more and more kids are easily accessible online, predators are moving there in droves, and there’s not a little old neighbor lady watching out the window. Many times, there are ways to address our concerns that don’t resort to a smart phone (kid-safe phones, air tags for tracking location, land lines, and teaching our kids how to ask a trusted adult for help, for example). If your kid must have a cell-phone, be honest with yourself about the fact that by decreasing one potential threat, you are guaratneed to increase the risk in other areas and take steps to minimize those dangers.
Have an intentional conversation before summer begins.
Sit down with your kids before the start of summer and come up with a plan together. Create a media agreement. Define device rules, such as where they can be used (not behind closed doors), when headphones are allowed (be careful with video game conversations you can’t overhear), where the device sleeps at night (not in their bedrooms). Talk about what to do if they receive an unwanted message or a pop-up ad or stumble upon pornography. Teach them to say, “There’s something on my phone and I need help.”
Restrict access, even when they complain.
I know, “everyone else’s parents let them.” Trust me, they don’t. Plenty of parents are using iPhone parental controls and software like Bark and Qustodio to set up healthy boundaries. Join the club! It’s a wonderful opportunity to talk to our kids about why we set certain limits, what we’re watching out for, what we might be able to see that they can’t, and the challenge of having so many conversations that are private, where adults are unable to help them learn healthy relationship and communication skills.
Like you, I wish there was a magic calculation that would ensure x+y+z=100% protection. The hard truth is nothing is fool proof. There are, however, lots of things we can do to increase the chances our kids will be safer and that we can help address any concerns early on, before they escalate. Like every generation before us, we are training our kids to operate in the world in a way that aligns with our family’s values. The digital world is no less “real” for our kids than the physical world. Let’s work together to prepare them for it.